Big Butts And Ipods
by Roxius
Summary: Zant comments on Midna's butt, thus causing his ipod to be destroyed, only to be replaced with a new one. However...why does it have the song 'The Real Slim Shady' on the playlist? ZantXMidna, slightly cracky fic. Please R & R!


"Dammit, Midna...you got a big ass..."

Midna spun around and kicked Zant in the head. "WHO THE HELL GAVE YOU PERMISSION TO STARE AT MY ASS, YOU PERVERT?!" She screamed as she beat poor Zant around a bit more. Of course, such a scene was common in the world of the Twili. Twilight Princess Midna and Zant had been best friends since they were children, and both of them were well-known by their people.

Midna was seen as more of a tomboy and she possessed quite a ferocious temper; Zant was more cheerful and naive, but he always knew how to get one someone's nerves. Despite the vast differences in their personalities, the two Twili were barely ever seen apart.

"You didn't have to hit me so hard..." Zant moaned as he picked himself up off the ground, rubbing his forehead. Midna crossed her arms and glared at him. A shiver crawled up Zant's spine; Midna was giving him her famous 'death glare'.

"You didn't have to talk out loud about my butt, either..." the Twili girl snarled. She was very sensitive about her body, especially with the current changes she had been going through. However, Zant was a bit heartless sometimes and tended to hurt people's feelings.

"It's not my fault you eat too much! Stop having third helpings all the time! YOU'RE SUCH A PIG SOMETIMES!" Zant exclaimed, forgetting that this was MIDNA he was talking to. Unfortunately, he realized this too late, as when he tried to apologize, Midna slammed her fist against his face and sent him spiraling through the air.

He hit face first into the ground...and all went black...

* * *

When Zant had regained consciousness, Midna was standing over him with a malicious grin. In her slender hands was none other than Zant's beloved ipod, which held over 1000 of the Twili boy's favorite songs. Slowly, Midna's grip on the little machine began to tighten. Zant's eyes widened and he cried, "NNNNNNOOOOOOOOO-"

_CRUNCH!_

Midna opened her hand and allowed the shattered fragments of the ipod to crumble onto the floor.

Zant scooped up the pieces into his arms and gasped out loud several times in disbelief. A few passerby happened to glance over at the scene, but they mainly paid nothing of it; Midna and Zant were always acting out in some way or form. "WHY THE FUCK DID YOU DO THAT? THAT WAS MY IPOD, WOMAN!" Zant screeched, his face turning red with anger.

"That's what you get for insulting me, you bastard! Don't you know it's practically a sin to go and say such things about a woman's figure? You're so stupid!" Midna snapped. Before Zant could reply, Midna then reached into her pocket and pulled out a shiny new ipod. Dropping in front of Zant, she said, "...You should be thanking me that I went and bought a new one and downloaded all your songs onto it before you woke up..."

And with that, she spun around and walked back to the palace, leaving Zant to contemplate on what the hell had just happened...

* * *

'She is so weird sometimes...' Zant thought with a sigh as a milkshake was placed on his table. After Midna left, instead of following her, Zant went to a small outdoor cafe to try and sort things out within his own mind. Zant took a sip of the milkshake and thought, 'Hmm...she punched me with her deadly left hook for saying she had a big ass...then she broke my ipod...only to reveal she had bought me a new one right before...very odd...'

Turning on the ipod, Zant scrolled through the songs. He was even more puzzled when he found an extra song added to his playlist: 'The Real Slim Shady'.

"WHAT...WHAT THE HELL WAS SHE THINKING, PUTTING THIS SONG ONTO MY PLAYLIST?" Zant cried aloud, causing several people to give him weird stares. Zant quickly stuffed the ipod into his pocket and ran off towards the palace, hoping he can speak with Midna there...

* * *

"DO YOU THINK I'M THE REAL SLIM SHADY? IS THAT WHAT YOU THINK?"

"MAYBE I DO THINK THAT? WHY SHOULD YOU CARE SO MUCH?"

The outrageous cries of both Zant and Midna shook the Twilight Palace to its core. Jeraldo, an official member of the Twili court and Midna's caretaker, let out a deep sigh. As soon as Zant had arrived, he and Midna started arguing about ipods and music. 'If I don't do something soon,' Jeraldo thought, 'This whole place could end up crumbling down...'

Walking up to the two screaming teens, Jeraldo shouted, "How about...you two just kiss and make up? Stop acting like goddamn children and be adults for once!" Letting out one powerful grumble, Jeraldo left the hall, leaving Zant and Midna completely speechless.

Taking in a deep breath, Zant asked, "Just tell me, now...why did you put 'The Real Slim Shady' song on my ipod? You can tell me the truth..."

Instead of replying, Midna kissed her friend on the forehead and then she ran down the hall. "I'LL NEVER TELL YOU...DUMBASS!" She called jokingly as she trodded down the stairs at a quick speed. Zant stood still, blushing, for only a minute before chasing after her.

"JUST TELL ME WHY YOU DID IT, GODDAMMIT!!"


End file.
